 The System  |
Muad'Dib 
Andrejnalin
Registration Date: 02-12-2003
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"The System"
2002
-So, mister Georgiev, what are your thoughts about this imprisoning system in which we dwell?- Zdraveski asked his friend, who was sitting by the door in a wooden chair, with a normal height. Zdraveski was dressed in blue pants, had a white-gray watch on his left hand, and was sitting on the leather couch, against the door. Georgiev had similar clothing, though in more lively colors, and had no watch.
-Of what system do you speak about, comrade?- Georgiev asked amazingly.
-You don't know yet, comrade?! Ah, I feel pity for you... - Zdraveski answered slowly-... so comrade, you are still not aware for the science fiction story in which we are enclosed? We and millions of others. Right now you and me talk, work and we are active just because some, should I call him, moron sits on his desk at 11:30 in the evening, and writes this.- Zdraveski continued.
-What do you mean? Are you serious, comrade? I think that this is one of your fantasies...- and was interupted by Zdraveski
-Are you sure?
-I can't believe it...
-Well, you have to, because the next thing I am going to show you will surely shock and convince you.
Zdraveski turned his head up and shouted -Hey you, that I don't know your name yet, please change my clothes, it is very stupid. Where did you find this kind of dark clothing?- he ended.
-Comrade, I think you need some medications...
-Shh! Watch...- interupted Zdraveski and pointed on his blouse. Suddenly his clothes turned to dark-green. Georgiev couldn't blink his eyes because of anxiety that took him.
-Yes, comrade, - continued Zdraveski - there is some guy up there that creates us. Writes us. And, I bet with you that he is also created by someone of that kind, and that that goes into endless circle. And what you saw here now is just a result that he is not stubborn, strict. Maybe he is written by someone else that is not so easy, so he doesn't know that he exists.- ended Zdraveski.
-But, how...?- Georgiev asked, fully confused.
-That how! Quite easy! Now I will face you with a very cruel truth.- Zdraveski answered, and waited a bit - Every your, mine, or anyone else's move, action and reaction is written and invented by someone else. And your previous one, and the one you are going to give after I tell you this. Every one. I know that is very stupid not to have your life under your control, and to know that everything you do is someone else's idea, but that's what actually is. This is that enclosed system. - Zdraveski ended. Georgiev say with his mouth half-opened, and gazed down on the floor. A levitating gray cube appeared between them.
-There, you see? He wants to show us that he really exists!- Zdraveski said with uncovered anxiety.
-Unbeliveable- said Georgiev, reminding himself that what he just said didn't come from him, as this thought also, and this one, and thisone ...
-Don't despair, comrade- Zdraveski said - We can teach the first in this array, if there is such one, of some certain things, although don't doubt that he will, actually, self-educate, and we will serve as a helper only. Better something than nothing, is that so Georgiev?- Zdraveski cheerfully asked.
-And your idea is?- Georgiev asked, and again he reminded himself on the array.
-To create us with more possibilites, more combinations, of course. To ennoble us. That is not such a dificult task. If he could invent us, he can change us, improve us. Do you hear, huh?- he asked our loud.
-Firstly...- he continued with the same tone -you will make more complex, and in the same time more simple works. Secondly, you won't limit us this much with your writtings. Third, you will call all other authors to do the same, beside the fact that you can write now that we feel better now, and it will be that way...- he ended with a smile on his face.- Come on now, comrade, let's go away from here.- They both rise, opened the door, stepped over the treshold, and went SOMEWHERE outside...
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-So you have learned your lesson, huh? Way to go, man, you cope with things quickly! That is the way, every reader to imagine and create where we went away! - the voice reverbed in the distance...
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19-06-2005 04:34 |
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Muad'Dib
Andrejnalin
Registration Date: 02-12-2003
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So, what do you think?
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20-06-2005 00:09 |
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cynik
Cp6uja
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20-06-2005 09:48 |
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cynik
Cp6uja
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Halph-Price
lol blue pants. i just pictured blue sweat pants. very descriptive.
no shirt that's for sure.
who cares if he has no watch... that has nothing to do with anytihg. it was not needed, basicly.
and learn to use the infamous " " quoating system. |
very unimaginative, young halph
Ive seen the expression of one of them having a wristwach and the other one not this way: one of them has a sense of time as a human's invention, while the other has none.
the guy that's aware, Zdraveski wears that watch cause he doesnt believe in time, knows it's all pre-written. the other one believes to the system, not needing a watch by himself, believing hes seeing time anytime he wants, everywhere he looks
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https://soundcloud.com/tsai-vidro-voves
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20-06-2005 11:15 |
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Muad'Dib
Andrejnalin
Registration Date: 02-12-2003
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Hehe, Halph...
Firstly, I personallu don't wanna use the " " system because I think that there is simplier method to present the dialogue and thoughts, and also to be unique. Not that I don't know how to use it
e.g.
"I am pleased by your actions" he said; "But it makes me sick that you had to go through all those killings and slaughtering" he ended
You see? 
Secondly, I personally thought to mention the fact that the other had no watch, although it is not important at all. I like adding random things. It is not random, although - cynik guessed into its meaning a bit.
But it is a random event to an unskilled reader... which happens to be the most people on the earth... no disrespect of course...
Anyway, I am translating a work from Macedonian to English nowadays, and I will post it as soon as I translate it whole. It is a about suffering, loneliness and how humans respond to these conditions.
I think you will like it. But that is just a process in my mind (the thought)....
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20-06-2005 21:50 |
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cynik
Cp6uja
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21-06-2005 14:09 |
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Halph-Price
Zombie Algorithm
Registration Date: 22-12-2004
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| quote: |
Originally posted by cynik
| quote: |
Originally posted by Halph-Price
lol blue pants. i just pictured blue sweat pants. very descriptive.
no shirt that's for sure.
who cares if he has no watch... that has nothing to do with anytihg. it was not needed, basicly.
and learn to use the infamous " " quoating system. |
very unimaginative, young halph
Ive seen the expression of one of them having a wristwach and the other one not this way: one of them has a sense of time as a human's invention, while the other has none.
the guy that's aware, Zdraveski wears that watch cause he doesnt believe in time, knows it's all pre-written. the other one believes to the system, not needing a watch by himself, believing hes seeing time anytime he wants, everywhere he looks
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there description is shown as very minimal, even the way they look is not there. there could be comparatives to the surrounding and how they were dressed (i.e. "His clothes matched the modren paintings of the ocean on the walls.") could at least say the watch wearer was sharp dressed. one is not lead to beleive he's dressed in anyway particular. i awould assume he would be the smartly dressed one. watch be damned, who cares what color it is, you'd tihnk that was his only article, other than pants, of clothes on his body. the rest was alright, hard to follow, but could be expanded considerably to be a short story. Short Stories are the best in Sci-Fi, like Philip K. Dick or Harry Turtledove, i am quite a fan. but if you're going to try to describe sometihng about them, do it or don't. if you want to desribe his pants, make sure you describe most of what he's waring. or don't mention it at all.
to show he's more of a man of invention, you could mention that he was dressed in a very modern and sharp look, and his compnaion in a laidback and more traditional way. that would be more appropriate.
give the watchwearer a moustache or beard also. 
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21-06-2005 15:00 |
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Muad'Dib
Andrejnalin
Registration Date: 02-12-2003
Posts: 4,197
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Well, as you kan see, this was written in 2002! Those are my beginings, but the idea I thought was good enuf to be posted here :-) peace
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-Bene Gesserit
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23-06-2005 17:53 |
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Polar Freq
Hounmingootod
Registration Date: 06-11-2004
Posts: 321
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fuck piplz...look at the fuckin google ad's...
it can't; get any more fucked up with religion....idiots
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-Emotions are social illusions.
-What i did not do, i could have not done.
-Art is a kind of public masturbation.
-I am only, my genes tool.
-damjan cd
i have a zen touch and muad'Dib has a girlfriend......everyones happy
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06-07-2005 14:28 |
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