I'm graduated now , been trough alot the last 6 months and now i dont know what direction to go... follow my own way , follow the way my parents advice , follow an unpredicted way or follow a precooked society way
the older i get the more i question myself what the fuck im doing here in this world , everything seems to go wrong now ...fucking hell , while others seem to have no problems with it. I have no real goal in life .. exept to be happy and to live on my own ...and i know all about the bad things in life
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My parents let it all seem so depressing... but true...
Everytime it all seems ok , there is still something not ok , and it keeps continuing , i dont know who to listen to anymore to hear the best advice (parents advice , friends advice , my own reasoning , ...) and at the end its allways my fault
things have to change but i dont know how.
My question:
What did you guys do after u graduated and did it also had such a great impact on your life ?
Cause it seems like im running like a chicken with no head to something i dont want
It seems like you took the safe path for a very long time and now all of a sudden this path ends and you need to decide where to go all by yourself.
Around your age I was very unsure about who I was, what I was doing here, how to get a living for myself, how to find happyness, ...
There is no right answer to this question, unlike the shit they told you in school this is REAL life, there is no scoring to be done in order to pass on to the next grade.
If you're not sure about where to go next, then go nowhere if you like your current position. If you want to try something, make sure it doesn't do great damage (getting married in a rush, buy expensive stuff while having no money, ....).
Don't be so afraid, this is the phase in life where you'll have to build yourself.
Just get yourself a freelance job (interim) in some area that doesn't seem to bad and get some money so you have the power to make some moves. This is not school, you can change if you want to.
Life is like a labyrinth, you can't see where it's going, but you might get somewhere if you don't stay at the same spot.
I can't tell you your right and your wrong, then it would be my right and my wrong.
What do your parents, friends, self, tell you?
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the biggest problems comes from the misunderstanding between my parents and myself. They are divorced and i'm living most of the time at my moms house , and go every 2 weeks to my dad for a weekend. The other problem is me , i don't exactly know where i want to go for , where i want to work for the rest of my life and where to start... and i worry about everything and since a few years i finally see how this society works and what horseglasses most of the people are wearing , i discus about this alot with my friends . Im not a conspiracy theorist or so , i just see some things different then some other people , and i don't say i'm right , i just dont accept things so easy anymore and think alot about the "why's" of life , in fact i just think to much about things other people dont care about
BIO's
Mom:
10 years divorced , together with her old skool love , in her midlife crisis , following spiritual courses , gatherings with other midlife moms , goes to fortune tellers , and has changed alot since the divorce (bullshiting about every small thing and warning me to kick me out once a month ) , she's a real Good/Evil person , smart with numbers (bank empoyee for 20years), bad in world science ... you get the point
what she has to say about me:
- you do nothing here , get out of here if you don't like it
- you can't live on your own , you cant even live properly in my house
- if you want to live here you have to follow my rules
- "you should have done this months ago !!"
- you have to follow your own life but dont come back complaining here , i will not support you in any way , just to let you know
... very motivating isn't it
now my dad
Dad:
10 years divorced , cheated on my mom, now together with a 20year younger lady with kids, worked his whole life as worker in a factory and is happy about my graduation , he has little hearth but a drilling behaviour , doesnt understand at all why i want to move out , allways complains about how much he has to pay in life and that life is nothing but expensive, also a Good/Evil person , never talks about his past , has no goal in life exept saving money for later and seeying his sons grow up like he wants... oh and he calls me weekly 3x to ask how i'm doing :s ??
what he says about me:
- You can't live on your own , do you know how expensive this is ?
- Do you think it's all so easy , look how much we have to pay for this
- Don't you like it here !? we do everything for you and u want to go away ??
- what is your goal in life in fact ? what do you like in fact ?
- just work and that's fine , you can live here
... so for him its more a money issue and he wants me to stay close to home.
There is always a problem , when i had my graduation i was glad they would shut their trap and leave me go my way , but that was just the start of the bullshiting , while i was at school they only importance was the score , now the importance for them to me is : to do everything as right as possible , as fast as possible , doing like the others do , don't dream too much cause life is hard and earn alot of money , get a solid gf and be a happy part of the family...
And i have never known exactly what i wanted to be , when i was young most of the kids said fireman or police or doctor orso , i just wanted to be an action hero or a spy
, later on i was interested in science and did a technical education , but it went way too technical , i finished highschool and went to university for a more creative solution : Industrial Product Design , so later i could design things for all kinds of companies , but truth is alot different.
Or you can work on your own (if you have alot of $$ input to start)
Or you can work for a design company (with perfect portfolio and dicksucking)
Or you can work for a technical company (most required , techn. drawing , mechs. and stuff)
but when i graduated it didn't interested me at all , i was just glad i finished school , and wouldnt known any other direction that would interest me (if i could choose again)
so now im happy i have a talent for music production and that i had to possibility to play alot national and international , so that's like me dream to continue this... (and i had a backup - bachelors degree)
but my pc crashed , dad broke my external hdd with the info , i couldnt go on my moms pc for months , i had to to my drivers lessons 20h , i followed language lessons (till i started drivers lessons), i went to many job sollicitations to constate that my computer drawing wastnt that fast enough (cause: no laptop - no exercise - no interest) , have problems with Sabam
, and parents nagging about every small things leading me of my way and depressing me, demotivating me,...
yeah man very confusing time - the world is your oyster! (the exciting part is when u have ur whole future ahead of u and not knowing what direction is gna be heading in - that ultimately hinges on the decisions u make - seems daunting and e all approach it in different ways)
as BD said theres no right or wrong answer, some people just "go with the flow" only to look back in decades and regret (or not! lol). others make big decisions and lifestyle changes and the same goes, u don't have the benefit of hindsight (maybe apart from lessons that u have already learned in life so far). so really u just need to sk urself what u truly want - and then go for it
Firstly, try not to feel overwhelmed by all the issues that you're having to deal with at this stage in your life. It's perfectly normal what you're going through and virtually everyone feels like you do when confronted with the same issues. Thankfully, most people are able to deal with them successfully and there's no reason why you can't too if you think carefully and act wisely.
Based on my own experience and the experiences of others, here's my advice:
1. First of all, try to secure a full time job which gives you a regular income. Without an income, you'll have virtually no independence. There is no way around this in our society. Once you have money in your pocket, a lot of your problems are solved.
2. Remember that your first full time job won't be your last, so don't think it has to be perfect. Most jobs in life will probably only last between 2-6 years. As long as you find something that's vaguely related to your prefered area, that is enough at this stage.
3. No matter how bad it gets and how much they piss you off, never cut your ties with your family. They always come in useful at some stage.
Unless they seriously mistreat you, always treat them with respect and love, even when they annoy you. Having bad relationships with your family is a big stress factor (you can probably testify to this).
4. Don't spend all your money on drugs, booze and going out. It's ok to do this when you're living under the security of your parents' homes but as you get older you need to keep some aside for 'a rainy day', as they say. Having no money at the end of every week is very likely to cause big problems somewhere in the future.
5. Like Battle said, don't do anything stupid which is going to get you into trouble in the future. Having fun is brilliant but don't do things which you're going to seriously regret later on. (Having kids is another one to add to Battle's list.)
When I was in your position a few years ago (you're making me feel old talking like this
) I had similar doubts, questions and anxieties about who I was, what I wanted to do, where I was going. I still do sometimes actually.
__ MySpace | Soundcloud | Drumnbass.be | Facebook "It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." Carl Sagan
I don't know your parents in person, but it seems that even in a situation of divorce you have parents that want the best for you, this isn't a bad thing, you just need to learn to deal with them in a better way.
Seems like you copied some of the insights of your parents without knowing it.
Some thoughts:
- Take it easy, Rome wasn't built in a day... you can't expect to leave school and hop straight into your ready made life with house, car, wife, kids, dog,...
- Get some money before you move out at your moms house. Without any cash you are lost.
- Tell your dad that you have better job opportunities at (place where you want to move to), that's something he'll find important and if you move e.g. to Ghent it's even true. As a newbie on the jobmarket you'll need a company that is willing to take you with your limitations. This means limited money as well, it's normal.
- Tell your mom that you have been her "child" all your life upto now and when you want to grow as a person you'll need to take the next step and that is getting your own place and that she can't expect you to fly out of the nest like a bird, after all life can be a bitch and it would be nice to know that you can stay somewhere when things suck bigtime (you could always stay at your dad's).
- You're contstanly mentioning that you urgently need to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. That sounds just awfull. Make one wrong choice now and for the next 40 years you'll be doing a job you hate. Try different things and once you get the right job you'll know it. But don't do dumbfuck jobs for several years because your degree will not be worth shit anymore.
I know people who studied computer science together with me and decided after 6-7 years of working to study again and do something completely different RESPECT. You are responisble for your life, no one else. It's the first time in your life that you and only you need to decide and that can be tough at first. Just take one step at a time and try a lot of things (professionaly, not illegal substances).
I never knew what I wanted to be either, I guess it's normal. I was way to down to earth for wanting to be a policeman or a pilot or some of that bollocks. Just imagine, did any of those kids that wanted to be those typical things actually do it? And if they did, do you think those professions are so adventurous and challenging all the time?
Life isn't as excititng as some movies or soaps might want you to believe, but you are at a magic moment in your life. Just don't run before you can walk and you'll be fine.
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im 24 n iv still not thought what to do all i know is music is what i want to do........ its just not that easy.
time will tell bro
what changed cos u graduated?
obviously dont keep on gettin blasted n not givin a shit but its not that big a change.
get a job or what ever n see what happens
i still dont know what job i want to do , been to some solicitations and they expect workexperience and i have none , or i have to do a lousy job with my diplome cause there isnt much choice... or i have to pick something totally different and just do it...
but i make too much music to be busy on searching for a job
, all i want is music , i dont want a career with my diplome or to climb up up up , all i want is climbing up with my music
Originally posted by cynik
get a dynamic job that exploits your creativity
like ganja fields watering planner
!!!!
*dreamjob*
well , waiting for a job is not the solution too ... i have to do something ...
does somebody have an artist statute here (where u get money each month) ? we have this thing here in Belgium but i dont know much about it... maybe i should consider it
Originally posted by cynik
get a dynamic job that exploits your creativity
like ganja fields watering planner
!!!!
*dreamjob*
well , waiting for a job is not the solution too ... i have to do something ...
does somebody have an artist statute here (where u get money each month) ? we have this thing here in Belgium but i dont know much about it... maybe i should consider it
if there was i would be aplying haha but i doubt it in england, being creative in any way is not what the social want to hear as a reason as to why u want money
If you don't want to wait for a good job, why don't you take some course in a direction that you are interesting in. At best it will enhance your current degree into the desired direction.
You should give yourself time to gather working experience and don't hit the road right from the start when a new job isn't a "dream job". It takes time to grow into it.
Also: make a list of companies and/or jobs you would like to do, keep looking for job offerings in that direction. Don't be unemployed for a long time or hop from one shit job onto another... makes you look bad.
If a current or past job sucks bigtime, either don't mention it on your CV or focus on the positive aspects, never complain about past or current jobs or bosses when asked, it closes doors.
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. 
, later on i was interested in science and did a technical education , but it went way too technical , i finished highschool and went to university for a more creative solution : Industrial Product Design , so later i could design things for all kinds of companies , but truth is alot different.
